Tag: WellnessCenter

Margerumalia – April Fools’ Week

Eric Margerum

Newsletter – April 4, 2025

This was the line I submitted for the New Yorker’s monthly caption contest. I hope you enjoyed it. Mine wasn’t chosen, but I like trying my hand at the game.

My wife laughed out loud when she read it and she doesn’t give up those LOL’s easily, so it’s already a winning caption in my book.

I thought a bit of humor would be a fun theme for April Fools’ Week. 

ADDITIONAL WELLNESS CENTER FOLK

I described eleven different types of folk at the Wellness Center in my Feb. 21 Margerumalia. Since then, I’ve come up with three more: 

Tippy-Toe Trudy: No exaggeration, this young lady is walking around the track on the balls of her feet! I’ve seen her leave the oval walking flat-footed, but she walks several laps on the balls of her feet. Is she building up her calves for high heels? Who knows. 

The Bond Villain: A middle-aged man with close-cropped salt-and-pepper hair gave me a steely-eyed look when I said good morning as he was putting on his shoes. He said nothing, just stared, and the voice I heard was saying, “No, Mr. Bond. I expect you to die.”

The Loving Couple: These two are on Cloud Nine, hands clasped and walking at a pace better suited for the seashore. Maybe that’s the world they’re actually walking in. I remember making out with a girlfriend in a parking lot when a passer-by in a car yelled at us to get a room. We broke out of the embrace both laughing. No shield like love.

A BIT OF PARODY

You may know the famous first line of Jane Austen’s Pride and Prejudice. No? Oh, go look it up, it made me laugh when I read it at fifteen. (https://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/42671)

On a recent quick trip I packed a single bag in order to avoid additional airline fees and I came up with this thought in imitation of Jane Austen: 

It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a traveler in possession of a good bag, will be in want of adequate space for the same possessions on the return trip. 

BUTTS ON THINGS  

I got this page-a-day calendar from a member of my writing group. She’d gotten it for her husband and he was kind of indifferent about it. It tickles the same little boy in me who giggles at fart jokes. I now enjoy a giggle every day. (You can find more of his silliness at briancook.net.)

MAMCHI HUMOR

In The Most Amazing Museum of Los Angeles I made a point of letting my readers know how to say the MAMLA acronym by way of the docent, Doris Weatherton. For the sequel I decided to provide the readers with a similar moment with the MAMCHI docent, Morris Weatherton, but with a humorous twist: 

“I am MORRIS WEATHERTON.” He continued his speech with large gestures and dramatic tones that belonged in the center of a three ring circus. “I am your DOCENT. Your guide to MAMCHI.” He pronounced the acronym “MOM-chee.”

“I’d have said it MOM-shee,” Tamara said to the others.

“Or MOM-shih,” added Brock, “because it’s short for SHIH-cago.”

“No, that doesn’t work,” said Yesta. “It sounds too much like you’re gonna say sh—”

“CHILDREN of all AGES,” said Morris Weatherton quickly…

BOOK SIGNING

No joke. The Tippecanoe County Library invited me to participate in a Local Author Fair on April 19th from 1:00 PM to 4:00 PM. I’ll be signing books, giving away mazes, and giving a 15-minute presentation about writing and about my book. 

If you’re nearby, I hope you’ll swing by and say hi. 

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Margerumalia – Winter at the Wellness Center

Eric Margerum

Newsletter – February 21, 2025

PHOTO: I took this photo at the Wellness Center on a cold January morning. The flags were still at half mast commemorating Jimmy Carter. The sun was trying its best to squeeze some light between the clouds, giving a feckless mood to the day.

BOOK NEWS: I was able to add The Best 10-Minute Plays 2024 to my author page on Amazon. Once they understood that there were, in fact, fifty authors (playwrights) featured in this volume, and that I was one of them, they promptly added this title to my name. Sometimes all you have to do is ask!

As I wrote before, I get nothing when this book is sold, but I do hold performance rights for my play. When I was a theatre professor at Carthage College I bought several such collections as a resource for my annual one-act play festival, faithfully paying for the rights to mount many short plays over seven years. Hopefully someone will want to send me money to perform “Just Book Club.”

WINTER AT THE WELLNESS CENTER

I’m doing a lot of indoor walking these days when the mornings are staying below 25 F (-3.89 C) striding around a three-lane oval that overlooks three basketball courts. It’s far less interesting than my daily hike through the woods, so I began creating labels for the other people I’m passing or getting passed by. 

The Thockers – These are the people playing pickleball—THOCK—in the first basketball court—THOCK, THOCK—below me. They come in all varieties—THOCK—but their paddles sure do make a noise when they hit that pickle. THOCK!

The Scofflaw – Meanwhile, above the Thockers, the sign for the oval track clearly labels the three lanes: inside lane for walkers, middle lane for joggers, outside lane for runners. The Scofflaw doesn’t give a damn about the rules and intentionally crosses lanes to suit his own impulses.

The Enforcer – This guy is running on the outside lane and comes up behind people to startle them with his shout, “Behind you!” Or to instruct them on the rules, “Walkers on the inside lane!” He may be getting an adrenaline rush from these righteous announcements, because he seems to run faster afterwards.

The Woo Girl – The third basketball court is mostly devoted to aerobics classes. The Woo Girl turns the music up to nine and sets her head mic at eleven, shouting out instructions and adding a “WOO” in her best soprano, cutting through the malaise of the morning like a pair of scissors in the hands of a running child.

The Zigzagger – Like The Enforcer, The Zigzagger is a serious athlete who runs with purpose. Unlike The Enforcer, he doesn’t worry about the locations of others on the track, he cuts between groups and around individuals with a dancer’s grace that would be the envy of any parkour competitor. 

The Reader – With a phone held in front of her, The Reader is a multitasker who walks AND reduces the size of her TBR pile at the same time. She gets very little exercise due to her slow pace, but at least she’s not doing it while driving. (I really hope she’s not!)

The BFF’s – It’s so nice that the Wellness Center provides a place for these middle-aged ladies to walk side-by-side or three abreast and discuss the state of the world, their families, and their grandchildren… “Oh, did I show you a picture? He’s the cutest thing! Just let me find it…!” The Enforcer began his vigilante ways after encountering too many BFF’s.

The Bro Crew – This is a pack of 30-somethings are desperately trying to outrun forty. With their glory days of team sports in the rearview mirror, the fraternal order of young professionals joke and jostle around the track, zigzagging as needed, and performing the occasional straightaway sprint to show they still can.

The Wild Child – One of the Bro Crew’s little girl who enjoyed the first time around the oval but soon grew weary of the tedium of it all. She’s camped out with her collection of stuffed animals at one of the rest stops, dashing out to tag daddy when her attention meter gets low. She’s a natural actor, speaking the dialogue of all her animals with all the enthusiasm of a true creative. Sign that kid up!

Grandpa Fred – He’s doing a very good job of keeping up the pace in spite of his age and he follows the rules like any good Boomer, but he has a weakness. No, not his belt which he keeps pulling tighter around his jeans and flannel shirt, his weakness is companionship. He’ll turn on anyone coming up behind him to mention the cold weather or say how noisy it is in there. Grandpa Fred is a good guy but doesn’t seem to have good timing. Once in a while someone will slow down and talk with him before moving on. That’s all he wants.

Strider – This is me. I can’t see myself as others see me so I visualize my upright posture, lengthen my stride, and imagine I’m on an adventurous trek around this labyrinth of humanity. I use the middle lane—because I’m a middle child—walk at a pace just short of a jog, and keep my eyes on the road because “The Road goes ever on and on…” (J.R.R. Tolkien)  

TTFN 

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If you received this email because it was forwarded to you by a subscriber, welcome. You can subscribe as well by following the link on my website: ericmargerum.com. A free story awaits you there.